When I look back over the past 12 months, absolutely everything has changed -I live in a different city, I like different music, I dress differently, I'm no longer completely innocent, I've been on an actual date... You know, the little and the big things that make you, you. Those have all changed.
In September when I left my little south eastern village and moved up north to Manchester, I guess I kind of was running away. Not from anyone in particular, but from everyone, mostly though I think I was running from myself. I needed to go somewhere and start again, I was determined to finally find a place where I actually belonged, where I felt wanted and safe and happy. It's not that I never had these things at home. I'm surrounded by the best family anyone could ever ask for and the small handful of friends I have at home are genuinely some of the most wonderful people I've ever encountered. But it had been a long two years in a sixth form where I never really fit in, and wasn't ever really wanted, I'd started a job that had changed the very fiber of my being and I was drowning in it all I suppose. I was thankful when September 17th came around and I got to leave it all behind...
I walked out of a life where I didn't ever quite fit into a life where everything was just the right size. I knew I needed the city but now, it kind of feels like the city needs me. I am deffo not a country girl and I'm deffo not a Bucks girl either.
I've made the most amazing friends. They're more than friends, they're my family. It seems so strange that we all just got thrown together but it feels like we were all meant to meet. It hasn't been easy, in fact, it's been really testing, but it's been so worth it. I've made A LOT of mistakes this year and yeah, I've done thing I'm not so proud of, but frankly they've just helped me grow. Being surrounded by people who don't judge, or whisper behind your back or mind if you screw up has been refreshing. For the first time in such a long time I can actually say I have a place where I am just; me. There's no front, no hidden depth, I'm just Hayley. The Hayley I tried to be at 6th Form but was secretly hated and the Hayley I tried to be during secondary school but was always just too big to fit right in. I'm so grateful that I've finally been allowed to breath.
Manchester has taught me more in the 9 months I've been here than I learnt throughout my entire previous education. I'm not scared of who I am anymore. I'm not scared of getting hurt or fending for myself. I am so much closer to that independence I so desperately crave and it's all thanks to this rainy city and the beautiful people I've met here.
I can't believe first year is over, that my little flat isn't going to be home anymore or that I won't be just a flight of stairs away from the people I've spent all year with. It's weird to think that come September I'll have to actually start taking my course seriously and maybe read a book or two (I am such a shiteous English student) and that I'll live in a house and that I'll have to get the bus into uni or into work.
I'm so excited though, and as much as I am going to hate being stuck in Bucks all summer, I cannot wait until we get back in the autumn and start all over again.
- Hayley xx
No comments:
Post a Comment