Tears, Sunshine and Shopping

Back in Manchester and IT'S SUNNY! Hoorayyy!! Cried far too much when I got dropped off at the station yesterday though, seriously, people probably thought I was being evacuated the way the tears were flowing. Completely ridic.

Went to work today nursing a hangover, it's a MONDAY! So much for cutting down on my drinking...
I've decided Jagermister is the source of all evil and that it simply MUST be avoided if I want to feel human the next day, E and I were doing shots of that shit straight and dear god did my head know it this morning. Needless to say, shopping after work was the perfect cure.

H&M have always been one of staple high street stores but they have seriously out done themselves with their latest Conscious Collection and Fashion Against AIDS Collection. Both are stunning and super pretty in two very different ways. The Conscious Collection is all pastel shades, lace, floaty skirts and garden party dresses where Fashion Against AIDS is an ode to indie rockers, manic colour, tassels and festival way of life. My new skirt is sick. Although it's body-con and girls with guts like mine CANNOT wear body-cons, this one is even more hideously unflattering than normal but I had to have it. I never tuck tops into my body-cons anyway so it'll look incredible with baggy t-shirts and converse during the day and then with plain block colour loose fitting shirts and heels at night.

  Isn't she a beaut?


Plus, I've just ordered some gym gear off the JD Sports websites as actual sports shops make me feel a bit sick so I'm quite excited at the prospect of not looking like a complete munter at the gym from now on.

I need to start revising, or at the very least get off the internet and finish reading. I would like to walk into my exam next week with at least one of the texts having been fully read and completed in my mind. Bugger. Must not fail First Year!

Lots of love,

- Hayley xx

New hair.

RiRi was the inspiration.
Dip-Dye out. Two tone in.

Time To Start Again

I've come home for the weekend. I needed too. University is incredible but I barely get a moment to breath and frankly that's all I've needed to do since the moment I got back. Talking things out with my Mum always helps, I'm really lucky that she's a best friend as well as a my Mum. Pure role model. She helps me sort out my thoughts and always gets me back on track, hence it being time to start again.

So, here is what I'm going to do:

1. Man Ban. I get fucked about and walked all over and I hate it. Whilst I have absolutely no issues with girls viewing sex the way boys do, I know in myself that it's not for me. Sleeping about doesn't and won't make me feel any better about myself. Obviously, you kinda need it every now and again, but sober me always wants to yell at drunk me when she gets carried away. Plus, I so much as think about sex and automatically assume I'm going to have a baby, so there we go.
2. Less Alcohol. I'm a student, other than write and read my life revolves around drinking. Cliche but so, very true. However, when I'm drunk I do stupid things, say stupid things and almost always wake up with a bruised shin (I'm clumsy when not intoxicated, it's a wonder I've never broken anything) and the mother of all hangovers. I'm not converting to sobriety, but I am proposing that I drink less and give myself half a chance of making better informed decisions.
3. New Hair. I'm bored of the orange. I want to be bright, fiery red again. With my tips re-yellow'd. I know everyone else is dip-dying their hair now, but I love mine and I obviously do it better than the rest, so whatever. New hair always makes me feel so much better about myself too.
4. Weight Loss. This one I'm actually doing well at, I'm even going to invest in some nice gym gear so that I don't resemble a sweaty tramp when I'm working out. (Nothing wrong with sweaty tramps though... obvz)
5. New Wardrobe. Admittedly, this is probably just an excuse for me to shop some more, but whatever. New clothes ALWAYS make me smile.

So, with new hair, a new(ish) body, new clothes and a uncluttered mind hopefully I'll start to feel better about things and be able to get myself back on track. 

Being a drunk, semi-slutty mess has been fun, but it's not me and I think it's time I got back to who I really am.

Loves, 

- Hayley xx

The Big and The Scary

It doesn't happen to people you know. It doesn't happen to someone who is only 19. It just doesn't happen.
Until, it does happen, and you're left wondering what the hell is going on.

To say it was an eventful weekend here in Block N would probably be an understatement. Finding out that someone so closely entwined with your life isn't as well as seems is terrifying and quite ground shaking. But she's going to be ok. I can feel it.

Hate sickness and hospitals. They are my absolute biggest fear.

I'm Lying To Myself

But lies are easier to swallow than the truth.

So if lying to myself is how I have to deal with this, then that is exactly what I am going to do.

I can't believe you don't remember. I wish it had never happened.

He Said, She Said

You say I deserve better.

So be better.

You say you're sorry.

So act differently.

You say you won't let go.

So don't you dare.

You say you wish things were different.

So do something about it.

And you say you like me.

So kiss me like you mean it.

I want to believe in you.

So make me believe in you.

Because I couldn't help but think how this was everything I wanted as I lay there and you held me. Then I remembered that you have a choice to make and that it probably wouldn't be me and I felt like I was drowning but you were still holding me. None of it makes sense.

You say you just don't know.

So figure it out.