2014; The Year Of The Life Lesson

2014 has been a strange year. It has been a year of either extreme highs or extreme lows and very little in between. I am looking forward to growing and moving on in 2015 (and Rio... I am SUPER excited to go to Rio).
However, this year has taught me a lot of valuable lessons that I am extremely thankful for and should probably mention. Whilst I can't say I've been very brave this year (I've cried too much to be classified as 'sane'), I can say that I am exiting it a far stronger person than I was 12 months ago and that in itself is a blessing.
So, here you are- the little pearls of Wisdom that 2014 has taught me:

1. Hearts don't stay broken forever - Eventually the sharp pain in your chest that leaves you so breathless you endure months of sleepless nights fades. It dulls down until it's merely this odd, nostalgic pang that only bothers you every now and again. You may still shed a tear once in a while, but it's nothing in comparison to the oceans you were once drowning in. It takes time, but this year I have seen people I never thought would properly heal be better than they ever thought possible. Turns out, you really do get there. 
2. Get your head down. Do the work - This one is fairly self explanatory. If you don't put the work in, you won't get the results you are capable of and quite frankly, letting yourself down is worse than disappointing your mum. Learning when to say no in order to properly get something done is one of the most boring, but most necessary parts of growing up. Just do what you've got to do to be the best you can possibly be. No slacking; you're better than that.
3. It's ok if people come in and out of your life - Not everyone that enters your life is due to stay, and not everyone that leaves will come back. Accepting this is a big step towards letting it go and moving on with your life. Also, always try and remember that there are lives you will walk in and out of. We're only human, none of us have a clue what we're doing.
4. 'Destiny is for losers'- You are in charge of making things happen. If you want something, go out there and get it. No one is going to hand you your dreams on a plate and no one can make them a reality for you. Grit your teeth and put the work in. It may not be pretty at the time but I'm pretty sure the end results are worth it.
5. Letting go is REALLY hard- sometimes in life we make choices we don't want to have to make and living with the results is painful. This year I have learnt that I fucking suck at letting things go. From people to places, it's become clear I don't cope well with 'goodbyes' even if they're just a part of life. I still don't have the answers on how to let go either, but I'm pretty sure a combination of time, the knowledge that your gut instinct is always right and striving for things bigger than you ever dared to imagine are an important part of the process.
6. You are allowed to start again- it's actually really important that you do. Life throws events at us that change who we are. You've got to roll with it. It's ok to fall for new people, new places and new dreams. It's scary, but it's a good thing.
7. Crying is d r a i n i n g- If I ever shed another mother loving tear it'll be too mother loving soon. Life is too good right now to be crying over spilt milk.
8. You can always go home - Leave each place you go with a handful of people who improve you're life and who's lives you improve, and you'll never run out of places to call home. I have people up and down the country and all over the globe who symbolise that.
9. You're family and friends are the greatest people on earth- Whilst I'm not entirely sure I will ever be able to offer my loved ones the same patience and guidance as they have given me this year- they are saints and I am about as merely mortal as they come -there are a few things I do know. I know that I will move mountains if it means that none of them ever meet sadness again. I know that I will always be their biggest fan and I know that no matter where in the world I am, or what time of day it is, I will answers their calls. I will honestly spend forever being indebted to them all for this year but I'm so thankful not one of them wrote me off or slapped me. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 

I should point out that this year hasn't all been sadness and deep life lessons. I actually managed to get quite a bit done this year- which is impressive since it's also the year I got really into my Netflix account, meaning that productivity should have been at an all time low.
2014 also saw me:

• Graduate with First Class Honours.
• Land my dream internship in London.
• Start a new waitressing job I actually really enjoy.
• BOOK MY MOTHER FUCKING LIFE LONG DREAM OF A TRIP.
• Rekindle some pretty amazing friendships.
• Fit into a size 10 (which, for the record because I always wanted to know, feels exactly like being a size 12. I've spent years of my life fixated by a number that doesn't really change anything). 

It's been a weird but wonderful rollercoaster. I can't wait to be braver in 2015 and continue growing into the new person that I am. It's going to be a good year, and since you've stuck with me this far, you may as well strap yourselves in for the ride!

(Disclaimer: I have spent a good 95% of this year on Buzzfeed, which is probably why this post reads like it's fresh off the mother site itself. Sorry).


Happy New Year, my darlings!

- xo

That's Why Her Hair's So Big...

I have always been a firm believer that a good hair do is pretty much paramount to maintaining personal happiness levels. Partly because of the fact that I went to an all girls school, but mostly because of the fact that my mum is a hairdresser- hair is important.

I've always had a lot of hair. When I was little it was a curse. My hair was think and wavy and knotty and for some reason I spent most of primary school with it in a low ponytail which only further highlighted that my face is was round it was practically a planet. As a grew up it became the thing I loved most about myself. At one point my mum also cut it into a bob, so short she may as well have just sheered it all off and no, she still isn't entirely forgiven (who lets a five year old decide what's good for them?! I'm 21 and I still don't know what's good for me!)

Something about me was braver when it came to my hair- I didn't care what other people thought. I started colouring it at 10 (my mum had brightly coloured hair throughout most of my childhood so she really couldn't have said no) and it went on from there. In Year 9, I was threaten with suspension because the block of red running through my mane did not stick to the 'natural hair colour only' rule my all girls school enforced. Then, at 16, I went from brunette to redhead and never looked back.
It's been blue and yellow and purple, and orange and red and brown and it never scared me. Whilst other parts of my appearance have always seems like an uphill struggle (my skin, my stomach, my inability to have at high gap), I've always been at one with my hair- even if I have been ripping a brush through it and praying I'd wake up with it naturally pin straight (still no such luck).

Now my hair is pink. After a year of doing nothing but excruciatingly question each tiny decision I have made and not knowing myself from one day to the next- I finally feel like I'm being to regain control of me.

Between graduating, booking my trip, starting my internship, and the new hair; I guess I'm starting to see bits of myself I thought I'd lost forever.

So fuck it. Maybe this is narcissistic and shallow as hell, but I don't care. This is an appreciation post for my hair. It makes me feel good about myself and it reminds me to always be a bit braver and a bit bolder. Who knows, maybe if we all started appreciating the parts of ourselves we truly love a little more- loving all the slightly less great bits will become less of a battle.

-xo

The Importance Of Being Blair

Perhaps one of the greatest fictional characters of our generation, Blair Waldorf (from Gossip Girl, just in case you've been under a rock since the dawn of time) is woman who knows what she wants. Yet, her great outfits (not Serena great, but still great) and perfect hair have nothing on the little pearls of wisdom she imparted on us all during the six series that changed life as we know it. They're words to live by from the biggest, baddest bitch around, and if they we're good enough for Blair, they're good enough for me.

'Destiny is for losers. It's just a lame excuse for letting things happen to you instead of making them happen.' - Blair Waldorf

Look me in the eye and tell me that isn't some real talk right there.

So kids, I've pulled a Blair and about a month ago I fobbed off destiny because destiny. Is. For. Losers.

It was a calm Monday morning, the week before I had interviewed for two internships in London and had heard nothing back, having been told I would have heard before the weekend. 'Never mind', I thought to myself, 'I have other plans'. As you all know, I have been saving for my South American adventure since I moved home in June, and thinking that I hadn't got the internship of my dreams, I decided enough was enough. What was supposed to be a follow up planning meeting at the STA Travel in Covent Garden, turned into me spending my savings and booking my flights.

I'm going to south America. On my own. For four months.
Metal? Yes.
Scary? Certainly.
Brave? We'll find out.

Because, and here's the thing, I was always going to find a reason to stay. From a guy, to my dream to career, to my incapability to save money- if I hadn't have just booked it, I'd still be sat here erm-ing and ahh-ing.

London - Rio - Buenos Aires - Santiago - La Paz - Lima - Quito - San José - LA - London.

Naturally, there will be a blog, because I know you'll all be keen to keep up to date on my where abouts and making sure I'm still alive. I'm a weird mixture of excited and petrified but I sort of can't wait to make this dream a reality. I figure you're only 21 and completely free once, wasting this opportunity to travel the world would be criminal. I'm 99.9% sure it'll be the making of me, so long as I can stand the hostels!

Instantly my mind went into money saving mode, planning how I could pick up extra hours and be the best waitress ever (I'm a horrible waitress, it's a good thing I can chat to people if I'm being honest) so I could save every single penny possible. It was gonna be great, I was going to save like a demon and have the most amazing four months ever...

24 hours after booking my flights, I get a phone call to say I'm being offered the position of social media intern for one of the UK's biggest charities. Unpaid.
But how could I say no? TELL ME HOW?!
I said yes. I haven't had a day off in four weeks, I'm constantly exhausted, I rush from the centre of London back to Bucks two nights a week to make it to Friday's for a 7pm start, and I work all day Saturday and Sunday; but I love it.

I'm happy, I'm focused, I'm making my dream come true and I'm investing in my future.

It's living proof that Blair was right. You don't need destiny. You just need to get off your arse and make life happen.

-xo

You're a Feminist, Harry!

Unless you've spent most of this week under a rock, or somewhere so remote the internet does not exist, I'm sure you will have all read about, watched and formed your own opinions on Emma Watson's incredible UN Speech.

To many of us of, Watson has always been some what of an idol. Not only did she play the one of the greatest female literary characters of the millennial generation, but she grew up right before our very eyes without going off the rails. She got herself into an Ivy League College (which was probably tougher than getting the role of Hermonie) and has always fallen into the category of female that girls want to be and men want to be with.

As face of new campaign HeForShe, a campaign that promotes the novel idea that, guess what? MALES CAN BE FEMINIST, she eloquently listed for the crowd reasons why she decided to be a feminist. As a female of roughly the same age, not many of them shocked me. Feeling sexualised at far too young an age, being called 'bossy', worrying that sports would make my  body look 'unfeminine' (well alright, that one was less me, who at 15 thought sport was just about the most awful thing on the planet, but I do remember friends of mine worrying that playing so much netball was 'making their boobs weird').
The one that stuck out most to me though, was when she said that at 18, she watched her male companions struggle to communicate their feelings... Because it's true and is probably the biggest thing that all feminist haters seem to over look.

We live in a patriarchal society, we have done for generations and whilst yes, here in the west, in the UK and the US it is better, there are places not so far away from us where things are not better at all. We spend so much time telling girls how over emotional they are that we miss it giving boys a direct message that emotions are not human, they're female and that somehow, that makes them bad.

We live in a society where new father's are expected to get back to work straight away and are somewhat looked down on if, God forbid, they want to work from home to look after their kids whilst their wives/girlfriends return to work to continue where they left off.

Feminism doesn't do that. Patriarchy does.

Patriarchy teaches boys not to cry like a girl/hit like a girl/throw like a girl. Patriarchy teaches your daughters and sons that if she's upset, she's probably over reacting or due on and therefore, wahtever upset probably wasn't that big a deal. It breads insecurity in our own emotions. It teaches girls not to fight back, whilst teaching boys to be the first one to throw a punch, but punching is only disrespectful if you hit a girl. It teaches that mother's make the better parent, even though every single family is different and that can't always be true. It teaches us that men are automatically the monsters, when we all know that women can commit some pretty horrific crimes too.
Patriarchy, not feminism, is what's standing in the way of you, boys. All this time it's been lulling you into a false sense of security that those dirty, bra burning feminists just want to ship you all off to a remote island and leave you there to rot, when really it's been doing all the rotting for you.

So I hope Miss Watson opens some eyes. Having graced multiple sexiest women lists as well as multiple best dressed columns, she's the perfect ambassador for HeForShe. She's asking that we simply start to look at the word 'feminism' as another way of saying 'equality'...

And a little equality never hurt anyone.

The Year of the Viral Nomination

It seems to me that the craze of 2014 has been that of the online nomination. From necknominates (where the only real objective was to see who could down the filthiest looking pint), to the No Make Up Selfie's for Cancer awareness and most recently the ALS/MND Ice Bucket Challenge, people have been quick to get their #donation on.

Of course, doing something silly to raise money for charity is nothing new. It's the foundations on which large scale charitable organistions like Comic Relief are built upon. It doesn't make you a hero, and when the Ice Bucket Challenges first began appearing all over my social media feeds, I was skeptical and prayed no one would drag me into it.
Then I watched a video made by an actual ALS sufferer and my mind started to change.

Anthony Carbajal is 26 and had been diagnosed with ALS. His grandma had it and his mum has it. The disease quite literally deteriorates lives. His video is funny, sad and undeniably eye opening.

Yes, the Ice Bucket Challenge is absolutely ridiculous. In a world where 783 million people do not have access to clean water and 2.5 billion do not have access to adequate sanitation it is obscene that so many of us (myself included) can justify simply wasting more than we usually do. But it serves a purpose, in that very first split second when the icey water hits your body, you are paralised. It is a minuscule glimpse into what day to day life feels like when your brain tells your muscles to do something they simply can't.
This time last year, the MNDA had raised barely a fraction of the money raised since the Ice Bucket Challenge took over our lives, which is pretty impressive. It's good to bring light on illness that need money and more extensive research, because who get's to pick which one is more profitable? (After all, and without meaning to sound like an absolute cynic, the pharmaceutical industry is a multi-billion dollar one).

It's 2014, if it doesn't have a cure yet, we should be looking into it. In the same way that no man, woman, girl or boy should have to walk 6 miles to collect water that could kill them, and people should not still be dying of starvation.

Not all of us can cure fatal illness or end world hunger, I appreciate that. The greatest talent I can offer the world (besides drinking a bottle of Pinot in 30 seconds and touching my nose with my tongue) is my ability to write (and even then, without spell-check it's questionable as whether this is a 'talent'). So I write this to help try and convince those who are still skeptical, and I text to donate because some things are best left to the experts... No one would benefit from me stepping into a laboratory!

ICED55 ( plus the amount you would like to donate) to 70070 to donate to MNDA.
WATER to donate £3 to 70007 to donate to WaterAid.

Anthony Carabajal's video is here.

-xo

Same Bodies, Different Summer...

It happens every year, doesn't it?
April roles around and people are suddenly gripped with that 'shit-it's-almost-summer' panic. Everyone cashes in on it, gyms start advertising their pre-summer discounts, the lady in the red swimsuit starts prancing about in the Special K adverts and copies of NOW! Diet hit the stands. We all vow to eat a bit greener, maybe exercise a bit more...
But usually by the May bank holiday we've forgotten all about our promise because 'fuck it, August is ages away' and before we know it, we're battling Ryanair queues, minus the god-like body we promised ourselves, still happy to simply be tuning out for a week or two.

So why, WHY is that every single year magazines get a kick out of making celebrities look like complete fools for simply being normal on the beach?!

This week's Heat cover

Today is a Tuesday, which means it's Heat Magazine day and (I'll be honest) I love me a bit of Heat. It's sort of a running joke between a few of my friends that the only thing I will ever be qualified for in life is running a magazine just like it. I care too damn much about what Harper Beckham wore to playschool and I'm not ashamed of it*, BUT I can't help but feel sad that every single issue shames at least one person's body (usually a female, but by no means always).

We are in the throws of a national body image crisis. According to a report carried out by the Daily Mail, only 8% of 2000 teenage girls asked were 'happy' with their bodies, and 64% of those under 13 had already been on a diet. I know these facts only reflect the way teenage females feel, but anorexia & other eating disorders have been on the rise in males for years.
Celebrity magazines like Heat appeal to young, most female audiences. Mostly, the pages are filled with images rather than words and issue after issue they send the message that looking anything less than Kim-K-on-her-wedding-day flawless is unacceptable.

This isn't a new argument. It's nothing new that the media is full of hypocritical BS, or that body image, the way we see ourselves and the way we see each other has become a huge business that rakes in millions every year. It's an industry I'd give a kidney to be a part of, but finding a way to use it for good instead of for absolute world domination (because, let's face it, that's what the media really wants) won't be easy.

So what if Kate Moss had a fag whilst lying around on her yacht off the coast of Ibiza or if Ferne's bikini bottoms don't fit properly... have you got any idea how hard it is to find bikini bottoms that don't sag the minute you step out of the water? DO YOU? No, tabloid magazine, I don't think you do.

Treat your bodies right & love the one you've got, folks. Change it if you want to, if it'll be better for your health or just make you happier in general, but it's the only one you'll ever have. The thought of spending the rest of my life having some piece of paper tell me mine isn't good enough makes me rather glum.

Mind you, I'm the kind of girl that spends an hour in the gym just so I can eat cake for lunch... but that's me and despite the fact that none of us will probably ever be 100% sure about our bikini bodies, I'm starting to think that mine could be worse... You know... Maybe.

So, if the media could just let us all go on holiday without making us feel like beached whales, that'd be really, really nice of them.

- xo

*Ok, so I am a little bit ashamed of my Harper Beckham fixation. Sorry.

Post-Grad Drams (I mean Dreams)

A funny thing happened about a month ago...
I graduated.
I popped on my hat and gown and successfully walked across the stage without falling arse over tit to shake the Dean's hand. I took lots of photo's with my parents and friends, had a lovely meal and then dragged my parents to everyone's fave student bar and got myself so drunk I vommed in the loos of the first class Virgin carriage coming back down south the next day.
Oh yes my friends, I did it.
Success.

Of course, reality soon set back in and I realised the bar job I got myself when I first moved back home wasn't actually for me, so I handed in my notice and got myself my dream job instead...

I'm going to be a waitress at TGI Friday's.

I know, I know, it's another hospitality job and don't I already have one of those?! Shouldn't I be looking for an ACTUAL job?! Doesn't the MMU website have loads of amazing graduate jobs I can be applying for?! But, it's TGI Friday's and I am me. It's a pretty decent combination when you think about it and I have always wanted to work in one, stupid as that may sound.
When I was younger, my parents told me that back in the day if you wanted to work at TGI Friday's instead of interviewing you, they auditioned you, which naturally, struck a chord with me. I have always had a love for theatre and drama, shocking news to absolutely no one, so the idea that I may one day have to audition for a job excited me (especially since I was about 8, and had no idea what an actual interview would feel like).
I figure what could be better than working somewhere that will, hopefully, be a fun environment, in an industry I have huge soft spot for, earning money to make my dream trip come true?
I'm 21, if I start my cooperate life now, I'll never leave. I know what I'm like, and currently I want to do everything all at once. I want to have a fun job and save money and see the world but I also want my dream career and a flat in the city (Manchester or London, no where else is really in the running) and drinks in nice bars and expensive shoes. In true Hayley style, I want to run before I can walk.
I talk to people in their mid-late twenties and can't help but feel a little bit envious. They've been there, done it, and are now actual human beings with plans and life goals who appear to have their shit together... Most of them insist that they are still just as clueless as they were at 21 though, so maybe the true trick to making it through your twenties is simply to make it look like you're making it through your twenties.

My savings account is looking healthier than it has done in a while, so whilst I miss city life and find myself longing for access to 24 hours Dominos Pizza (you know, just in case) and desperate to be able to go for drinks without having to drive, I know that it'll be worth it when I'm learning to Samba in Sao Paolo and learning to surf in Costa Rica.

-xo