2014; The Year Of The Life Lesson

2014 has been a strange year. It has been a year of either extreme highs or extreme lows and very little in between. I am looking forward to growing and moving on in 2015 (and Rio... I am SUPER excited to go to Rio).
However, this year has taught me a lot of valuable lessons that I am extremely thankful for and should probably mention. Whilst I can't say I've been very brave this year (I've cried too much to be classified as 'sane'), I can say that I am exiting it a far stronger person than I was 12 months ago and that in itself is a blessing.
So, here you are- the little pearls of Wisdom that 2014 has taught me:

1. Hearts don't stay broken forever - Eventually the sharp pain in your chest that leaves you so breathless you endure months of sleepless nights fades. It dulls down until it's merely this odd, nostalgic pang that only bothers you every now and again. You may still shed a tear once in a while, but it's nothing in comparison to the oceans you were once drowning in. It takes time, but this year I have seen people I never thought would properly heal be better than they ever thought possible. Turns out, you really do get there. 
2. Get your head down. Do the work - This one is fairly self explanatory. If you don't put the work in, you won't get the results you are capable of and quite frankly, letting yourself down is worse than disappointing your mum. Learning when to say no in order to properly get something done is one of the most boring, but most necessary parts of growing up. Just do what you've got to do to be the best you can possibly be. No slacking; you're better than that.
3. It's ok if people come in and out of your life - Not everyone that enters your life is due to stay, and not everyone that leaves will come back. Accepting this is a big step towards letting it go and moving on with your life. Also, always try and remember that there are lives you will walk in and out of. We're only human, none of us have a clue what we're doing.
4. 'Destiny is for losers'- You are in charge of making things happen. If you want something, go out there and get it. No one is going to hand you your dreams on a plate and no one can make them a reality for you. Grit your teeth and put the work in. It may not be pretty at the time but I'm pretty sure the end results are worth it.
5. Letting go is REALLY hard- sometimes in life we make choices we don't want to have to make and living with the results is painful. This year I have learnt that I fucking suck at letting things go. From people to places, it's become clear I don't cope well with 'goodbyes' even if they're just a part of life. I still don't have the answers on how to let go either, but I'm pretty sure a combination of time, the knowledge that your gut instinct is always right and striving for things bigger than you ever dared to imagine are an important part of the process.
6. You are allowed to start again- it's actually really important that you do. Life throws events at us that change who we are. You've got to roll with it. It's ok to fall for new people, new places and new dreams. It's scary, but it's a good thing.
7. Crying is d r a i n i n g- If I ever shed another mother loving tear it'll be too mother loving soon. Life is too good right now to be crying over spilt milk.
8. You can always go home - Leave each place you go with a handful of people who improve you're life and who's lives you improve, and you'll never run out of places to call home. I have people up and down the country and all over the globe who symbolise that.
9. You're family and friends are the greatest people on earth- Whilst I'm not entirely sure I will ever be able to offer my loved ones the same patience and guidance as they have given me this year- they are saints and I am about as merely mortal as they come -there are a few things I do know. I know that I will move mountains if it means that none of them ever meet sadness again. I know that I will always be their biggest fan and I know that no matter where in the world I am, or what time of day it is, I will answers their calls. I will honestly spend forever being indebted to them all for this year but I'm so thankful not one of them wrote me off or slapped me. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 

I should point out that this year hasn't all been sadness and deep life lessons. I actually managed to get quite a bit done this year- which is impressive since it's also the year I got really into my Netflix account, meaning that productivity should have been at an all time low.
2014 also saw me:

• Graduate with First Class Honours.
• Land my dream internship in London.
• Start a new waitressing job I actually really enjoy.
• BOOK MY MOTHER FUCKING LIFE LONG DREAM OF A TRIP.
• Rekindle some pretty amazing friendships.
• Fit into a size 10 (which, for the record because I always wanted to know, feels exactly like being a size 12. I've spent years of my life fixated by a number that doesn't really change anything). 

It's been a weird but wonderful rollercoaster. I can't wait to be braver in 2015 and continue growing into the new person that I am. It's going to be a good year, and since you've stuck with me this far, you may as well strap yourselves in for the ride!

(Disclaimer: I have spent a good 95% of this year on Buzzfeed, which is probably why this post reads like it's fresh off the mother site itself. Sorry).


Happy New Year, my darlings!

- xo

That's Why Her Hair's So Big...

I have always been a firm believer that a good hair do is pretty much paramount to maintaining personal happiness levels. Partly because of the fact that I went to an all girls school, but mostly because of the fact that my mum is a hairdresser- hair is important.

I've always had a lot of hair. When I was little it was a curse. My hair was think and wavy and knotty and for some reason I spent most of primary school with it in a low ponytail which only further highlighted that my face is was round it was practically a planet. As a grew up it became the thing I loved most about myself. At one point my mum also cut it into a bob, so short she may as well have just sheered it all off and no, she still isn't entirely forgiven (who lets a five year old decide what's good for them?! I'm 21 and I still don't know what's good for me!)

Something about me was braver when it came to my hair- I didn't care what other people thought. I started colouring it at 10 (my mum had brightly coloured hair throughout most of my childhood so she really couldn't have said no) and it went on from there. In Year 9, I was threaten with suspension because the block of red running through my mane did not stick to the 'natural hair colour only' rule my all girls school enforced. Then, at 16, I went from brunette to redhead and never looked back.
It's been blue and yellow and purple, and orange and red and brown and it never scared me. Whilst other parts of my appearance have always seems like an uphill struggle (my skin, my stomach, my inability to have at high gap), I've always been at one with my hair- even if I have been ripping a brush through it and praying I'd wake up with it naturally pin straight (still no such luck).

Now my hair is pink. After a year of doing nothing but excruciatingly question each tiny decision I have made and not knowing myself from one day to the next- I finally feel like I'm being to regain control of me.

Between graduating, booking my trip, starting my internship, and the new hair; I guess I'm starting to see bits of myself I thought I'd lost forever.

So fuck it. Maybe this is narcissistic and shallow as hell, but I don't care. This is an appreciation post for my hair. It makes me feel good about myself and it reminds me to always be a bit braver and a bit bolder. Who knows, maybe if we all started appreciating the parts of ourselves we truly love a little more- loving all the slightly less great bits will become less of a battle.

-xo

Same Bodies, Different Summer...

It happens every year, doesn't it?
April roles around and people are suddenly gripped with that 'shit-it's-almost-summer' panic. Everyone cashes in on it, gyms start advertising their pre-summer discounts, the lady in the red swimsuit starts prancing about in the Special K adverts and copies of NOW! Diet hit the stands. We all vow to eat a bit greener, maybe exercise a bit more...
But usually by the May bank holiday we've forgotten all about our promise because 'fuck it, August is ages away' and before we know it, we're battling Ryanair queues, minus the god-like body we promised ourselves, still happy to simply be tuning out for a week or two.

So why, WHY is that every single year magazines get a kick out of making celebrities look like complete fools for simply being normal on the beach?!

This week's Heat cover

Today is a Tuesday, which means it's Heat Magazine day and (I'll be honest) I love me a bit of Heat. It's sort of a running joke between a few of my friends that the only thing I will ever be qualified for in life is running a magazine just like it. I care too damn much about what Harper Beckham wore to playschool and I'm not ashamed of it*, BUT I can't help but feel sad that every single issue shames at least one person's body (usually a female, but by no means always).

We are in the throws of a national body image crisis. According to a report carried out by the Daily Mail, only 8% of 2000 teenage girls asked were 'happy' with their bodies, and 64% of those under 13 had already been on a diet. I know these facts only reflect the way teenage females feel, but anorexia & other eating disorders have been on the rise in males for years.
Celebrity magazines like Heat appeal to young, most female audiences. Mostly, the pages are filled with images rather than words and issue after issue they send the message that looking anything less than Kim-K-on-her-wedding-day flawless is unacceptable.

This isn't a new argument. It's nothing new that the media is full of hypocritical BS, or that body image, the way we see ourselves and the way we see each other has become a huge business that rakes in millions every year. It's an industry I'd give a kidney to be a part of, but finding a way to use it for good instead of for absolute world domination (because, let's face it, that's what the media really wants) won't be easy.

So what if Kate Moss had a fag whilst lying around on her yacht off the coast of Ibiza or if Ferne's bikini bottoms don't fit properly... have you got any idea how hard it is to find bikini bottoms that don't sag the minute you step out of the water? DO YOU? No, tabloid magazine, I don't think you do.

Treat your bodies right & love the one you've got, folks. Change it if you want to, if it'll be better for your health or just make you happier in general, but it's the only one you'll ever have. The thought of spending the rest of my life having some piece of paper tell me mine isn't good enough makes me rather glum.

Mind you, I'm the kind of girl that spends an hour in the gym just so I can eat cake for lunch... but that's me and despite the fact that none of us will probably ever be 100% sure about our bikini bodies, I'm starting to think that mine could be worse... You know... Maybe.

So, if the media could just let us all go on holiday without making us feel like beached whales, that'd be really, really nice of them.

- xo

*Ok, so I am a little bit ashamed of my Harper Beckham fixation. Sorry.

Post-Grad Drams (I mean Dreams)

A funny thing happened about a month ago...
I graduated.
I popped on my hat and gown and successfully walked across the stage without falling arse over tit to shake the Dean's hand. I took lots of photo's with my parents and friends, had a lovely meal and then dragged my parents to everyone's fave student bar and got myself so drunk I vommed in the loos of the first class Virgin carriage coming back down south the next day.
Oh yes my friends, I did it.
Success.

Of course, reality soon set back in and I realised the bar job I got myself when I first moved back home wasn't actually for me, so I handed in my notice and got myself my dream job instead...

I'm going to be a waitress at TGI Friday's.

I know, I know, it's another hospitality job and don't I already have one of those?! Shouldn't I be looking for an ACTUAL job?! Doesn't the MMU website have loads of amazing graduate jobs I can be applying for?! But, it's TGI Friday's and I am me. It's a pretty decent combination when you think about it and I have always wanted to work in one, stupid as that may sound.
When I was younger, my parents told me that back in the day if you wanted to work at TGI Friday's instead of interviewing you, they auditioned you, which naturally, struck a chord with me. I have always had a love for theatre and drama, shocking news to absolutely no one, so the idea that I may one day have to audition for a job excited me (especially since I was about 8, and had no idea what an actual interview would feel like).
I figure what could be better than working somewhere that will, hopefully, be a fun environment, in an industry I have huge soft spot for, earning money to make my dream trip come true?
I'm 21, if I start my cooperate life now, I'll never leave. I know what I'm like, and currently I want to do everything all at once. I want to have a fun job and save money and see the world but I also want my dream career and a flat in the city (Manchester or London, no where else is really in the running) and drinks in nice bars and expensive shoes. In true Hayley style, I want to run before I can walk.
I talk to people in their mid-late twenties and can't help but feel a little bit envious. They've been there, done it, and are now actual human beings with plans and life goals who appear to have their shit together... Most of them insist that they are still just as clueless as they were at 21 though, so maybe the true trick to making it through your twenties is simply to make it look like you're making it through your twenties.

My savings account is looking healthier than it has done in a while, so whilst I miss city life and find myself longing for access to 24 hours Dominos Pizza (you know, just in case) and desperate to be able to go for drinks without having to drive, I know that it'll be worth it when I'm learning to Samba in Sao Paolo and learning to surf in Costa Rica.

-xo